Relationship & Bullshit- Do Torontonians Have Unrealistic Dating Expectations?

Couple enjoying dinner

I went to an event this past weekend hosted by Lincoln Blades , the event focused around do the men and women of Toronto have unrealistic dating expectations. Oh, and to no surprise here, these women and men who sat so beautifully in Uptown loft adorned in their dresses, and three-piece suit, are completely in la la land when it comes to dating.

First let me say the event was a nice night out,  the space was cozy, even though the service was terrible; but I digress.

Now let me get to it,  this room was filled with about 100 men and women, about 80 percent women and 20 percent men. Some men came with their partners, as a little relationship advice never hurt anyone. The conversation started out by asking if the “LIST” that we have as individuals is unrealistic. Lincoln used examples such as Trina who states she will not date a man who has a penis size less than 11.5 inches, or Chilli from TLC who will not date a man unless he has a minimum 4 pack and no more than 2 baby mothers. Now do I think these are ridiculous ABSOLUTELY, as she just ex’d more than half of the man in her age group, and Trina should just go and buy a friend because the average size penis is about 7 inches, so someone get her some batteries she will need them for a LONG time,  but that is none of my business, let’s get to the woman and men of Toronto.

Now the conversation really starts with a female sitting at the table adjacent to mine we will call her Gloria, (I am naming her as throughout the night she had a lot of nothing to say in my opinion) who says that she will not date a man who is JOBLESS. Now, there were claps and murmuring after she said this as you can imagine some people agreed and disagreed with her. A lady in the corner with sister locs or could have been braids takes the mic and says, she has a master’s degree and she was unemployed for a year, and then she pauses, as if she was waiting for an applause.

Now here I am sitting down waiting to her to explain why she was jobless.

Keep in mind the conversation at this point is to say that we should not rule out unemployed men when dating as there could be situations as to why they are not working. For example:

A recent graduate

Got laid off ( Both target and Sony are closing all Canadian Stores)

Illness ( he is now getting back on his feet)

I mean anything is possible, but for me she just wanted the people in the room to know she was a black woman with a masters degree, because if we are speaking of reasons people could be unemployed when you first meet them, what was hers?

Was she sick?

Did she have a kid?

Family issues?

We know she wasn’t a recent graduate as she said she was unemployed for a year.

Was she actively looking?

What was it?, at this point no one knew

So let me say this NO ONE CARES!. A master’s degree in today’s society is not what it used to be 10 years ago. It’s like having a high school diploma, it is great I commend anyone who pursues further education as I am one of those people who will most likely go and get my masters as well. Nonetheless, men don’t care, although they are looking for smart women, a master’s degree is just a bonus it is not why he is gonna date you.

Men want to know can you cook something more than mac and cheese and baked chicken, clean, are you sincere, loving, giving, spiritual depending on his beliefs, can you do laundry, these days is your hair real. (Let’s be real about it). I am not saying I agree with these, but your masters degree is just a bonus for him.

A lot of women have this self-righteous attitude when you get a little degree or a nice comfy job. It does not make you Queen Sheba. Let me make this clear, I am not taking away from your education, or the hard work you put into it, and if you want a man who is on the same education level as you, there is nothing wrong with that.

However, you are just like the rest of us, we all work, eat and sleep. Do not think that you are in any way special and the same for men as well because you are educated. I know a lot of men who are wealthy and never stepped foot into a college or university classroom. So sip that tea, let me move on.

Now a man without a job should not be looked past because he told you I am not working at the moment. Men are not open books, he could be jobless today and VP of whatever tomorrow. When people first meet you they do not expel their lives to you, so for all you know he could have just left an interview, and just doesn’t want to talk about it, he probably lied to you as well because he saw how hungry you were for status instead of substance and curved you.

Bet you didn’t think about that huh?

MEN DO THAT, women do it too I know I have. I will purposely sabotage a situation if I see what you are about from the initial meeting, I will turn you off from me, saves me time and I make you think it was all you.

No it was me.

When a man is unemployed look for drive and ambition in him, is he actively pursing job opportunities, most men quit their 9-5 to start a business inquire about it. As women we need to ask the right questions. Not what Steve Harvey told you to ask in his book, not saying those aren’t valid. However, every man is different ask him questions pertaining to him and his life not the standard where you see yourself in 5 years? do you want kids? what is your favorite color? these are not real questions, they are fluff, dig deep get him speaking, actually have a conversation, not an interview.

After intermission the conversation got even more juicy

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As they were tired of the women talking and directed the microphone to the men in the room.

This man in his suit stood and said that he has stopped talking to a girl because she said “SHE DID NOT GIVE HEAD” now for all you newbies that means oral sex, and shortly after that a lady at my table said she felt the same way. Now let’s talk about the these people. Both looked like they were in the mid 30’s and SINGLE.

Now there is nothing wrong with being single, but if oral sex is a NON NEGOTIABLE for you, just start travelling alone, go to the sperm bank to get you a baby, and start collecting wines, because you are embarking on A LOT of lonely nights.

MEN AND WOMEN OF THE WORLD in-case you all didn’t know WE LIE.

I have met men and women who said they didn’t give oral sex, and when you speak to their partner she/he says that’s not true. Whether you want to believe it or not it is still a social stigma. Also, some people believe because of the nature of the act, they will only do it with someone they truly care about. Now, if I just met you, and you asked me that question I am going to tell you no.

I JUST MET YOU it is our first date. WHO ARE YOU?

Now, a few weeks or months of dating I will share how I feel about the matter. No one tells you everything at first, that is why it’s called GETTING TO KNOW EACH OTHER.

*rolls eyes*

This man also said that Toronto women suffer from what he called “the drake factor” where he said that women want men with condos, lambos, investment accounts, and Jordans. I mean he didn’t use those words, I did from what I have seen. What he did say in a nutshell is that women want men who have money.

Is he wrong? ABSOLUTELY NOT!

When I first moved to this city that is all women wanted “men with money” but we were all 19 working at call centers, and still shopping at sirens, which 19-year-old man has a condo? even Diddy’s sons still live at home.  That is why for a while a lot of these young woman were dating older men because what they wanted didn’t exist at their age.

AND WHAT THESE WOMEN AND MEN IN THEIR mid to late 20s to early 40s ARE LOOKING FOR IN PARTNERS DO NOT EXIST.

Again, let me say, wanting a man with ambition and who has is sh*t together is not an issue. However, keep in mind that not every man you are going to meet will. Some are in the process of getting there, and some may have been there and are in a rough patch. We all have our highs and lows.

Sometimes, God places you in the path of a man on his low, because you are the person that is sent to help him get back to the top of his game.

Money does not make a man

Shoes does not a man

A job does not make a man

His material possessions does not make him who he is, and if it does then he has some issues he needs to work out. As a woman if you think that does then you need to work out your issues too.

CHARACTER makes a man, how he treats his friends, his family, strangers, kids. Let that speak to you, let those be the possessions you look at. The possessions of his heart and his mind, not his bank account, and what he looks like, or what he has going on right now, as those things can change in a second. Cliché but it’s facts.

The men and women at this event who spoke up in my opinion will be single for a while. Their ideologies of dating and relationships are all over the place. They have these LIST of EXPECTATIONS and as we all know expectations are key for heartbreak, and in this case LONELINESS

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What we need as men and women are STANDARDS, have NON-NEGOTIABLE STANDARDS, not NON-NEGOTIABLE LISTS

Your list changes as you grow in a partnership, as your goals change ,their goals change, your personal growth will ALWAYS change your list, as what you wanted at 19 is not what you are going to want at 29.

Now your STANDARDS should NEVER CHANGE.

You want a  partner that is  loving, honest, giving, respectable, etc. These are qualities among others that makes for a great partner and I do not think should ever be wavered.

Now, I know some people might read this and get upset, and have questions.

Go ahead and leave them in the comment box, let’s have a discussion about it. I am not a relationship expert or life coach. But, stop letting these #relationshipgoals hash tags on social media bend your mind on what is real.

Shoes, and Louis bags, and houses that were found off Google although is realistic for some, it is not for everyone.

So really think about that list of expectations you have, and change it into a list of standards, and see if that doesn’t make a world of difference in your journey to finding TRUE LOVE.

Did you get trapped?

Well… did you?

No I don’t mean she/he trapped you with a baby, or you got trapped in a bathroom, or in a dark cellar.

I mean TRAPPED in your own thoughts, or trapped with other people’s expectations of you are, or who you should be.

When you feel trapped you sometimes feel like people do not understand, because you are locked in a mental box of ideologies and emotions and no one knows that you are LONELY.  This makes you less likely to ask for help, and in reality YOU DO need the help. Some people say that you are angry, and the truth is you are. You are broken, which makes you angry.

What needs to come into your life to free you from mental destruction?

New people?

New opportunities? or does something NEW need to come from WITHIN you.

How hard will you work for it?

How much FAITH are you willing to have, because it won’t be easy.

How much CONTROL are you willing to take over your own life?

It’s a CHOICE YOU need to make, someone else cannot make it for you.

It does not happen over night, it takes a lot of work to change your life around.

Giving you

MENTAL FREEDOM.

Where you start to find yourself, you start honing your skills, you start to LOVE yourself again, and find who you are TRULY meant to be.

You start to gain a sense of control, and become COMFORTABLE
But complacency, and being comfortable at times eat at us as well…

Are you okay with being “just fine”?,

Or do you want to have that fire, and go out and do the things you are passionate about?

I mean loving and doing the things that make you happy, because your challenging yourself.

Challenging yourself to go beyond your comfort zone, and do things you never thought you could do.

This is the life we are meant to live.

Are you living it?

Are you “just fine”

Are you comfortable?

Are you okay with being comfortable?

Are you being challenged, and challenging yourself?

No? then

You need to start getting excited about things

Be happy about your accomplishments

Celebrate them

Celebrate the things that matter to you, and while you’re doing that aim a little higher for the other things you want to celebrate.

Do you want to live life?

or

Daydream about living it?

 

 

Want to visit Canada but have a DUI? This is for you

DISCLAIMER: Please note that this information does not constitute as legal advice,and is just for information purposes only. The information on this page is subject to change so please see a licensed immigration lawyer, attorney paralegal or consultant in your state or city  to find out more information.

If you have a DUI you are automatically inadmissible to Canada, or are you?

For you or someone you know to be able to travel to Canada with a DUI you first need to know under what grounds you were charged and whether or not that makes you criminally inadmissible under Canadian law.

First you need to find out the classification of your DUI you received meaning if it was a misdemeanor or felony.

The following driving under the influence statutes from each state’s criminal or penal codes are equivalent to the Canadian driving under the influence statutes and will likely lead to criminal inadmissibility.

State Statute Number Statute Title
Alabama

Alabama Code
Section 32-5A-191

Driving while under influence of alcohol, controlled substances, etc.
Alaska Alaska Statutes
Section 28.35.030
Operating a vehicle, aircraft or watercraft while under the influence of an alcoholic beverage, inhalant, or controlled substance.
Arizona Arizona Revised Statutes
Section 28-1381
Driving or actual physical control while under the influence
Arkansas Arkansas Code 5-65-103(a)  Driving while intoxicated
California California Vehicle Code
Sections 23152 – 23229.1
 Driving under infuence of alcohol or drugs
Colorado  Colorado Revised Statutes 42-4-1301  Driving under the influence
Connecticut  Connecticut Statutes Section 14-227a  Operation while under the infuence
Delaware  Delware Code Title 21 Section 4177 Driving a vehicle while under the influence of alcohol
Florida  Florida Statutes 316.193  Driving under the influence
Georgia  Georgia Code 40-6-391 Driving under the influence of alcohol
Hawaii  Hawaii Revised Statutes Chapter 291-E  Use of intoxicants while operating a vehicle
Idaho  Idaho Statutes Section 18-8004  Persons under the influence of alcohol
Illinois 625 Illinois Compiled Statutes
5/11-500 to 5/11-505
 Illinois Vehicle Code
Indiana  Indiana Code 9-30-5  Operating a vehicle while intoxicated
Iowa  Iowa Code Chapter 321J  Operating while intoxicated
Kansas  Kansas Statutes Chapter 8, Article 10  Driving under influence of drugs or alcohol
Kentucky  Kentucky Revised Statutes Chapter 189A  Driving under the influence
Louisiana  Louisiana Revised Statutes 32:661  Operating a vehicle under the influence
Maine  Maine Revised Statutes Title 29-A
Section 2411
 Criminal OUI (Operation under the Influence)
Maryland  Maryland Transport Code Section 21-902 Driving while under the influence
Massachusetts  General Laws of Massachusetts
Chapter 90 Section 24
 Driving while under the influence
Michigan  Michigan Vehicle Code
Sections 257.625 – 257.626c
 Driving while Intoxicated; Reckless Driving
Minnesota  Minnesota Statutes Chapter 169A  Driving while impaired
Mississippi  Mississippi Code 63-11-30  Operating of vehicle while under influence
Missouri  Missouri Revised Statutes
577.010 – 5770.54
Public Safety Offenses: Driving While Intoxicated
Montana  Montana Code Annotated
Title 61, Chapter 8, Part 4
 Driving under influence of alcohol or drugs
Nebraska  Nebraska Revised Statutes
60-6, 196
Driving under influence of alcoholic liquor or drug
Nevada  Nevada Revised Statutes 484.379  Driving under the influence
New Hampshire  New Hampshire Statutes 265-A:2
New Hampshire Statutes 265-A:18
Driving under the influence of drugs or liquor; penalties for intoxicated or under influence of drugs offenses
New Jersey New Jersey Statutes 39:4-50  Driving while intoxicated
New Mexico  New Mexico Statutes 66-8-102  Driving under the influence of intoxicating liquor or drug
New York  New York Vehicle Traffic Law Article 31  Driving under the influence of alcohol or drugs
North Carolina  North Carolina General Statutes
Chapter 20
 Driving while intoxicated
North Dakota  North Dakota Code 39-08-01  Regulations governing operators
Ohio  Ohio Revised Code 4511.19  Operating vehicles under the influence of alcohol or drugs
Oklahoma  Oklahoma Statute 11-902  Driving while intoxicated
Oregon  Oregon Revised Statutes 813  Driving under the influence of intoxicants
Pennsylvania  Pennsylvania Code 3801-3817  Driving after imbibing alcohol or utilizing drugs
Rhode Island  Rhode Island General Laws
31-27-2 to 31-27-3.1
 Driving under the influence of liquor or drugs
South Carolina  South Carolina Code Annotated
56-5-2930 to 56-5-2995
 Operating a motor vehicle while under the influence of alcohol or drugs
South Dakota  South Dakota Codified Laws
Chapter 32-33
 Driving under the influence
Tennessee  Tennessee Code Annotated
55-10-401 to 55-10-453
 Drug and Alcohol Driving Offenses
Texas  Texas Penal Code 49.04  Driving while intoxicated
Utah  Utah Code 41-6a-502 Driving under the influence
Vermont  Vermont Statute Annotated
23 1201
 Operating under the influence
Virginia Virginia Code 18.2-266  Driving while intoxicated
Washington  Washington Revised Code 46.61.502  Driving under the influence
West Virginia  West Virginia Code 17C-5-2 Driving under the influence
Wisconsin  Wisconsin Statute 346.63  Operating while under the influence
Wyoming  Wyoming Statute 31-5-233  Driving while under the influence

***Please note to visit Canada you do need valid travel documents (passports, visas) to gain entry at any Canadian port of entry via land or air***

Get Paid to Cuddle

YES! you read that right, Professional Cuddling? that was the same face I made too when I heard this story.

There is a new service in town Torontonians, it’s your own personal cuddle buddy. This company is based in British Columbia, Quebec and Vancouver and offers clients physical contact THAT DOES NOT INCLUDE SEX in the comfort of their own home.

The owners of www.cuddleme.ca and the cuddlery calls it “an affection home based service”. The service launched in Toronto on December 22, 2014 has since served 10 clients.

Cuddling as we all know releases what some call “happy hormones” which aids in stress reduction, anxiety and depression just to name a few. Or for some woman what they want their partners to do after “happy time”.

The service charges $80 for 60 minutes of cuddling in Montreal, and so far has received 20 applications for people wanting to be professional cuddlers in Toronto.

ummm.. I don’t want to be Debby Downer, but am I the only one that feels weird about this?

WEEKLY DEVOTION

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 – “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”

No matter what is going on in your life, remember that it could be worse. Give thanks for what you have and be grateful for how far you have come no matter how small the steps may be. (this is something that I am trying to learn myself as it is easier said than done)

I know at times it seems like you’re in the worst of the storm, and it will not cease; but it will.

When your going through it, give it to GOD let him handle it the battle is not yours it’s the Lord’s!